Sorry…

…about not posting much lately. Work has been crazy. I’m trying to train people, do all the orders, write things off so the store gets credit for them, I’m spending hours at home trying to do the schedule then find out the day I’m supposed to submit the schedule that they’re giving me a manager to help me out so I have to completely redo the schedule, and so on. Basically, life has been busy and crazy, I even had a mental breakdown the other night while in an argument with my fiancee.

Due to all of these things I haven’t had much time to post anything. As I’m pretty sure I mentioned in another post, if you have a mental illness then management probably isn’t for you.

Having Anxiety and Trying to Be a Manager

So my manager is currently off work due to a severe burn going down the back of her entire right leg. Being the assistant manager I now have to jump in and act as the manager. The past two weeks we had what they call a “roving manager” helping out at our store Monday-Friday. This made creating our schedules the main managerial duty I had to do. While I know I can run the store, it definitely helped because it allowed me to fill in on different shifts.

However, I lucked out and the week she is going on vacation is also the week one of the employees I use the most has to have off 4 days. Needless to say, as this would give a “normal” person anxiety, having an actual anxiety disorder is making this 1,000 times more difficult. To make things even better, I was the idiot who scheduled myself this week to work when I was supposed to have an appointment with my therapist so I can’t even talk to her about how to deal with this.

I’m freaking out and having an panic attack as we speak. I don’t know what to do or how handle this. Basically, taking the role of a manager is not the smartest thing to do when you have anxiety disorders…

Yesterday

Yesterday was rough.

As the assistant manager at the convenient store I work at Saturdays are by far the most stressful day of the week. Every Saturday we have a large milk/tea order and a large grocery/cigarette/other tobacco product order, all of which fall on me to put away before I leave, while . To make yesterday easier I scheduled it so that it was myself and someone else at 6am and then I had a second person come in at 9am. Instead the person who was supposed to come in at 6 didn’t show and wouldn’t even answer their phone. I tried to call everyone I could but no one would respond.

I ended up alone for those 3 hours and it was CRAZY busy. When the employee scheduled for the 9am shift came in and told me that the one scheduled to come in at 6 texted him and told him that he couldn’t work any of his shift I flipped out. My response was: “No shit! I figured that out 3 hours ago when he wouldn’t answer his phone.” I went on about how no one would answer and come in (or come in early) to help me. After I finally calmed down I felt horrible for flipping out on him. But after I was done freaking out I started crying and had a lovely panic attack in front of both him and a customer. It was awesome.

I hate showing that side of me but sometimes I can’t fully control when it will happen. Basically, I’m not always okay and it sucks to admit it, but it’s true. If anyone with a mental illness tries to tell you they’re always okay and don’t still struggle at times they’re probably lying.

Sorry, this was primarily to rant and admit that I still have to deal with some parts of my mental illness.

Work and Mental Health

Working when you have a mental health condition can be a challenge, whether you’re working part-time or full-time. It doesn’t matter if the task you’re doing is big or small, it can be difficult. Always try to make your manager aware of your illness(es). They may not approve or like it but it’s important they know before you end up having a break down (panic/anxiety attack, etc.). For example, I was at work one day, I work at a convenience store, it was crazy busy and I was the only one on register but when my manager came out to help me with the line and saw the way my hand was shaking when I was redeeming a lottery ticket she whispered to me to go take my five (break). One day, before this I had told her about my mental health problems and because of this she recognized that I needed to get out of that situation ASAP because I was having an anxiety attack. Sadly, there are times when things like this happen and no one is around to help you out or your boss isn’t there to tell you to get away.

For instance, my manager was on vacation and ended up injuring herself. So, being the assistant manager, I’m now in charge until she’s able to return. That being said, I’m currently on a two week stretch without a day off, having worked 73 hours this week and 58 last week, and now taking on all of her responsibilities. Needless to say, I’m under A LOT of stress. Earlier in the week I even had a panic while at work, it’s been a fun time. Don’t get me wrong, I can manage the store and do well at it but my mental illnesses make it all the more difficult on me.

No matter what mental illness you have it can be hard to balance both taking care of your mental health and work. Seeking treatment, finding the right therapist, and depending on your condition getting the right meds, can help you learn some coping mechanisms to deal with the problems that can arise when trying to manage these two things.

It’s not easy but it can be done.