Having Anxiety and Trying to Be a Manager

So my manager is currently off work due to a severe burn going down the back of her entire right leg. Being the assistant manager I now have to jump in and act as the manager. The past two weeks we had what they call a “roving manager” helping out at our store Monday-Friday. This made creating our schedules the main managerial duty I had to do. While I know I can run the store, it definitely helped because it allowed me to fill in on different shifts.

However, I lucked out and the week she is going on vacation is also the week one of the employees I use the most has to have off 4 days. Needless to say, as this would give a “normal” person anxiety, having an actual anxiety disorder is making this 1,000 times more difficult. To make things even better, I was the idiot who scheduled myself this week to work when I was supposed to have an appointment with my therapist so I can’t even talk to her about how to deal with this.

I’m freaking out and having an panic attack as we speak. I don’t know what to do or how handle this. Basically, taking the role of a manager is not the smartest thing to do when you have anxiety disorders…

Yesterday

Yesterday was rough.

As the assistant manager at the convenient store I work at Saturdays are by far the most stressful day of the week. Every Saturday we have a large milk/tea order and a large grocery/cigarette/other tobacco product order, all of which fall on me to put away before I leave, while . To make yesterday easier I scheduled it so that it was myself and someone else at 6am and then I had a second person come in at 9am. Instead the person who was supposed to come in at 6 didn’t show and wouldn’t even answer their phone. I tried to call everyone I could but no one would respond.

I ended up alone for those 3 hours and it was CRAZY busy. When the employee scheduled for the 9am shift came in and told me that the one scheduled to come in at 6 texted him and told him that he couldn’t work any of his shift I flipped out. My response was: “No shit! I figured that out 3 hours ago when he wouldn’t answer his phone.” I went on about how no one would answer and come in (or come in early) to help me. After I finally calmed down I felt horrible for flipping out on him. But after I was done freaking out I started crying and had a lovely panic attack in front of both him and a customer. It was awesome.

I hate showing that side of me but sometimes I can’t fully control when it will happen. Basically, I’m not always okay and it sucks to admit it, but it’s true. If anyone with a mental illness tries to tell you they’re always okay and don’t still struggle at times they’re probably lying.

Sorry, this was primarily to rant and admit that I still have to deal with some parts of my mental illness.

Introductions

Thank you for coming and visiting my blog. This is the first time I’ve ever created one so bear with me as I figure all of this out.

A little bit about me:

I have type 2 bipolar disorder (bipolar depression) and multiple anxiety disorders.

I’m a psych major in college. I have a passion for helping people, especially those who are constantly battling with their own mind.

My animals (2 dogs, 2 cats, and a snake) + music +reading= my therapy outside of therapy

I will never pretend that I’m always 100% and that I don’t still struggle will my illnesses nor will I act as though stigma doesn’t still make me nervous.

I’m going to use this blog to share my story, day-to-day issues, positive and encouraging posts for those struggling, mental health “fun facts “, etc. because I want to make sure that you’re aware and never forget that you’re not alone in this fight.